I said I won't online but I am still hanging on for most of the time.
It doesn't affect much.
My revision is seriously lagging. But I know I will be fine.
Don't ask me where I got the confidence from. Hopes come from inside. As much as my revision may be lagging, I am already doing my best. And if my best isn't good enough, then I sucks. I will just have to slog for my labtest, quiz and finals.

Karma is really freaking me out. All along, I believe in karma. What comes around goes around. But with karma, things have always been subtle and less obvious. and it always was up to me to figure out which is my good karma and retribution. But when karma decided to make it presence known, well to my friend, a entirely good thing, but still freaking me out. I guess now karma is less of a faith to me but more of a rules to abide.

I hope I will still find it in my heart to be kind and not out of fear. But fear is always a better motivator. If you didn't know.

He is the worst type of person around!
He wasted my heart and my time.

quote from somewhere. I like it.
It abit familar to the line "My wasted heart will always love you"
But I can't rmb where the line was from too.

Anyway, OOP is killing me. But thankfully, I do see some hopes for "CLASS" is not included in this round of quiz and labtest.
Next week is a total killer, with labtests, quiz and next next week will be MST.
There is barely enough time to study.
I am going to disappear from MSN for a whole ten days unless I need help... Not that MSN is affecting me, not much ppl msn me but when there is, it such sweet distraction.

I will have to ace my MST. Just to keep the hopes of a 3.5 alive.

I am sorry to my penpal! I won't be able to support him live at heeren on 5th dec. Other than exams nearing, I have things going on that day. My late grandma ritual and my cousin birthday gathering.
But I know he will be fine. And gosh! Our birthday is nearing. This is already the sagittarius month!

Argh. Nightmare yesterday again. No. Not really. It wasn't scary just unpleasant.
Must be all the emo-ness in me.
I am going to do my tcp/ip first round after my nap. Hopefully I will finish it by today cause it only the first round.

to be continue.

Few days back, I dreamt of getting a tattoo. One of the Sagittarius sign. But it is just a dream. I won't. I have enough scars to bring my through my life.

Outside is a harsh world. I don't think I will survive. But I know I will. But how well will I?
I don't know. how well is well? judged by the size of the house? the clothes in my wardrobe? the number of digits in the bank account?

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

But I won't die because it will be such a waste of life.
And my parents are still alive, I need to repay.
Sometimes I think I am only still alive because I haven't die yet. No accidents or sickness, which I am very grateful for.
I am too afraid of pain to do anything silly.

And life is a pretty pretty thing. Even if people aren't. Some. At times.

omg. spent the whole afternoon working on the preloader.
It is so killlling me. There is always some unexpected errors or it just doesn't work well. Made a fake one but it just too fake.
I don't know. I finish dinner first and continue at night.

Yesterday's sleep was terrible. I have a nightmare inside a nightmare. When I woke up from the "nightmare", I tot I was saved but then I was still in a nightmare. The inner nightmare was freaky and a whole lot of pain. Involving 3 alien dogs with black furs and they capture me and my friends ( but I don't know who) and inject some potion named "hardworking", their idea was just to test if it will works after a week or so. But the injection part was so pain, it feels so real. Then I woke up, and think it was a dream, until people around told me that they dreamt of the same thing except they was injected with hardworking. Except me and my friend.
Then I spoke to someone and told them the conspiracy was cloning. the alien dogs trying to clone humans and he believed it.
The end, I woke up as in really woke up.

It was too scary.
and so pain.
and really "hardworking"?
I must be feeling the stress from MST.

也许我不是个好女儿，好孙女，我做得不够好，每个礼拜去外婆家好像进行任务一样，跟爸妈互动也一样。我做得太少，我知道让人寒心了。可是心 底里并不是这样的，我会想他们，念他们，父母对我来说都是太重要的人，可能是我不懂得珍惜，但是其实真的不像自己做的那样忽视，我并不是一个坏女儿，我不 是。我不知道怎么做才能更好，我不知道怎么去对付自己的性格和脾气，我一直都觉得自己做的太少，我会哭，会愧疚，但是仍旧像是完成任务一样敷衍了事。可是 我会在知道爸妈生病后担心，在他们生气后着急，也许我不是个好女儿，我没做出好女儿该做的很多事，但是我希望爸妈能知道，在心底里我是个好女儿，我有孝 顺，我会懂事，所以，别以我的行为来判断我，我不知道怎么改，更不知道为什么改不掉。亲情这件事对我来说太重了，我不知道怎么维持关系和状态。亲情对我来说太重了。